


Spoils of War

by rock_mafia



Series: Dog Days 'Verse [4]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Transformation, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-10
Updated: 2011-03-10
Packaged: 2017-10-16 20:57:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/169281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rock_mafia/pseuds/rock_mafia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Rodney figure out how to use this whole 'being a dog' thing to their advantage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spoils of War

**Author's Note:**

>  This one is for popkin16, who wondered about how the ladies of 'Lantis would react to doggy!John. Crack, crack, cracky crack. Don't forget to comment, yo.

By John's second day as a dog, he had the entire female population of Atlantis eating out of his hand. Paw. Whatever.

For the most part, they'd fallen all over him while he was human, but now, he was content to sit at their feet and allow them to scratch behind his ears or under his chin while his tongue lolled out of his mouth lazily. He'd even rolled over for Simpson, allowing her to scratch her nails across his belly while he kicked his foot, clearly pleased with all the attention.

Rodney thought it was sickening.

"You know," he said, late one evening while he was preparing for bed, "it's not fair that you get all the attention. I'm the one taking care of you right now."

"Woof."

"Okay, maybe taking care of you is a stretch, but still. I keep you company, I make sure you have a nice, soft place to lay in the lab and you know, help you out with stuff that requires thumbs. Like opening the door."

"Woof."

"Yes, I know that our doors don't have handles, but that's not the point. You couldn't open them without me."

John jumped onto the bed and pawed the blankets on his side before he flopped down. He looked up at Rodney through his obscenely long doggy lashes and sighed.

"No, I don't blame you for taking advantage of the situation you'd found yourself in, but it would be nice if you'd throw me a bone or something."

John growled.

"Bad joke. Right. Sorry. But really, help me out here, huh?"

John just closed his eyes. Rodney sighed. So much for cooperation.

.::.

The next day, John let Rodney walk him. On a leash. To the science labs.

Almost as soon as he stepped in, they were swarmed with women, some from other departments. Even Lieutenant Myers had snuck into the labs, pockets full of cold bacon. Rodney was a little put out that no one ever thought to bring _him_ cold bacon until Simpson sidled up to him, shy smile on her face.

"I think it's really sweet what you're doing for Colonel Sheppard, Doctor McKay."

"Well, I do what I can to look out for my friends," he said bravely. "It's not easy, but, well… somebody's got to do it."

"It must be so hard."

"You have no idea." John growled a little, but Rodney ignored him. "He refuses to share the bed. I can't sleep at night and I'm just so tired."

"I've got just the thing for you," Simpson said, patting his shoulder gently. She disappeared back into the throng of women to emerge seconds later with a bag of her best coffee. "Here, take it."

"Oh, I couldn't."

"I insist."

"Well, in that case…"

Rodney made a mental note: if he ever made it back to Earth on a permanent basis, he was definitely investing in a dog.

.::.

By the end of the day, not only had Rodney scarfed up on Simpson's special coffee, but he'd scored three bars of Zelenka's chocolate, Major Lorne's nice fleece throw—"For Colonel Sheppard. My dog back home used to love sleeping on it," he'd said—and Ronon's extra pudding cup.

Well, Ronon hadn't specifically given it to him. He'd mostly taken it when Ronon was playing 'fetch' with John and a really large stick that had no business in the Mess. Served him right though. What if he'd put someone's eye out?

Regardless of how he'd gotten it, by the time Rodney made it back to John's quarters later that night, he was comfortably full and looking forward to curling up underneath of that nice fleece blanket, but John had other ideas.

"It's not enough that you hog the bed, but you have to hog the blanket too?" He asked when John flopped down on top of it.

John growled.

"Just because Lorne _said_ it was for you doesn't mean it's really for you. You're going to shed all over it, and, and, and you have a fur coat! What do you need a fleece blanket for?"

"Grrrr."

"Fine. Whatever. But don't expect me to share any of Simpson's coffee with you when you revert back to being an obnoxious human with stupid hair!"

"Woof."

John did not share the blanket that night.

.::.

He did the next night, though, after Rodney freed him from the lab storage room he'd accidentally gotten locked in.

The blanket was just as toasty as Rodney thought it would be.

.::.

He did not share the blanket the night after that when Rodney called 'Here, boy!' in front of the entire mess.

Rodney swore that it was an accident.

John didn't believe him.

.::.

By the end of John's first week as a dog, he had the entire base eating out of the palm of his hand. Paw. Whatever. Except for weird old Garcia in Botany, who had been terrified of dogs since the age of three and Rodney. Because Rodney was not a dog person and because John hogged the bed, the fleece blanket and all the cold bacon that mysteriously showed up outside of John's door.

But then, on the night before Rodney handed doggy duty over to Ronon, John scooted over on the bed, whimpering pitifully until Rodney shut the laptop down and came over.

"I'm not going to miss this," he said. "Two weeks of peace and quiet and no drool or dog hair and, and, and…"

John rolled over, showing Rodney his belly and Rodney couldn't resist. Even though he wasn't a dog person. And even though John hogged the bed, the fleece blanket and all the cold bacon.

Maybe Rodney would miss this… just a little.


End file.
